i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
