I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize