What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
