party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
