yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
