What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
