grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
