I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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