On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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