i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The uberlube is also flammable
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
