Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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