Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
