I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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