I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
