you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
