Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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