woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We have started to decorate penises.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
