he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
