I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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