i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
