I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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