it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
