one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
