and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
