No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My Higher Power is John Stamos
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize