Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I had to cum in my sink.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
