And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize