Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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