You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
