I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
