Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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