im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
