i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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