Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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