My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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