Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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