got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
