I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
