I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
