he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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