My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
