why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
