So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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