Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
