I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
