you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
