have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
