The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
