Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
