Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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