This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
