I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
