a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
well I can't set my house on fire every night
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Farmville is her only friend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
