Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
