So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize