you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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