Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
