I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
