And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
