Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
