That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
