I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
