i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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