Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
