Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
