Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
