i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
