I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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