if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
