so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
