I want to walk on stilts...naked
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
