i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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