I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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