I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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