why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
