she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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