Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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