4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Vodka?
Forever.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
