A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
