She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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