just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
