im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
