cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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