Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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