Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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