There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize