imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You were trust falling into bushes
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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