Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
