I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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