I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I had to cum in my sink.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
