my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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