Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
