Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
