my vag is so smooth its legendary
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
