All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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