do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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